The first day of orientation week at Brown University I met my first husband. It was love at first sight and I declared to my whole freshman hall (I have always been bold), "This, this is the man I am going to marry."
And I did. Seven years later.
But not before some drama unfolded.
After we had been together for over six years, we introduced one of my best friends to one of his best friends. A few months later, they were engaged.
Now let me remind you that I was 24 years old and stupid. I would not go back to my 20s if you paid me - gasp. So with that said, I can tell you that my reaction (reaction, not response, this was pre-– yoga) was not admirable. I was pissed! I was like, "How is that fair? Why are they engaged after two months and my douche bag boyfriend is still dragging his feet?"
(One could argue, and fairly so, that he was "dragging his feet" because we were a bad match -- and split up 11 years later after 18 years together.)
But back to age 24. I was actually happy for my friend, even though I knew that it was not right for them to be together. How did I know? Her response to my congratulations was, "Well ... the ring is so pretty, I just couldn't say no."
She broke it off three weeks before the wedding.
What was upsetting to me was that I had been waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting to get engaged. And of course married. I just wanted to be together. I didn't give a hoot about money or being "established" before we did so. My boyfriend/ex husband did. It was important to him. He was working at Merrill Lynch and wanted to feel secure before we got married. Looking back it's all there. All of the reasons we were not a good match. But I was young, and stupid.
I am so happy that we did get married and have a beautiful child together. And we are friends today.
Recently, a dear friend got engaged. I was so happy for her and her fiancé. A little while after their engagement, I called another dear friend and asked if she was OK. She was like, "What?" I gently sad that I understood that it was hard to hear about an engagement – a quick engagement at that – when you had been dating your boyfriend for many years. I told her my story.
She laughed and said she was totally fine. And she meant it. She explained that they are in a great place in their relationship and there have been countless friends who have gotten engaged and while at times it was difficult, this was not.
I laughed as I heard this and realized that the big P was at it again. Projection.
Notice today how often you project your own feelings and experiences on to others. It's pretty astonishing. And just with this awareness, we can walk through the world as an even better friend, partner, spouse, parent, sister.
Be the Inspiration.
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