The first day of orientation week at Brown University I met my first husband. It was love at first sight and I declared to my whole freshman hall (I have always been bold), "This - this is the man I am going to marry."
And I did. Seven years later.
But not before some drama unfolded.
After we had been together for over six years, we introduced one of my best friends to one of his best friends. A few months later they were engaged. Yes, I said months. 😳
Now please remember I was 24 years old - “young and dumb” as my friend Jenny Z likes to say. 😊 I wouldn’t go back to my 20s if you paid me - gasp. 😝 That said, lemme tell you that my reaction (reaction, not response - this was pre-yoga🧘♀️) was not admirable. I was pissed! I was like, “Why are they engaged after two months and my douche bag boyfriend is still dragging his feet?”* 😳
(*One could argue that he was "dragging his feet" because we were a bad match. We split up 11 years later after 18 years together.) 🙏
Back to age 24. I was genuinely happy for my friend even though I knew it was not right. How did I know? Her response to my congratulations was, “The ring is so pretty I just couldn't say no." 💍😳
She broke it off three weeks before the wedding.
What WAS upsetting to me was that I had been waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting to get engaged and married. I just wanted to be together. I didn't give a rip about money or being "established" before we did so. My boyfriend/ex husband did. He was working at Merrill Lynch and wanted to feel secure before we got married. Looking back it's all there. All of the reasons we were not a good match. But I was “young and dumb.”
I am so happy and grateful we did get married and have a beautiful child. And we are friends today. I am grateful for the good times. I am grateful for the contrast. I am grateful that the contrast showed me what I did want. I am oh so grateful for our beautiful girl who is now 24. 💕
Years later another friend got engaged. I was so happy for her and her fiancé. While talking with another friend I asked if she was OK. She was like, "What?" I explained that I understood that it is hard to hear about an engagement – a quick engagement at that – when you have been dating your boyfriend for many years. I told her my story.
She laughed and said she was totally fine. And she meant it. She explained that she and her boyfriend were in a great place in their relationship and there had been countless friends who had gotten engaged and while at times it was difficult, this time it was not.
I laughed as I heard this and realized that the big P was present: Projection. I was projecting my story. She had a story I knew nothing about. 99% of what we project onto others is INaccurate.
Notice today how often you project your own feelings and experiences on to others. Especially on a day like Valentines Day. It's pretty astonishing.
Just with this awareness, we can walk through the world as an even better friend, partner, spouse, parent and sister. We can be the love even more, which is what Valentines Day is all about. 💕 So let go of all the attachment to what Valentines Day “should” look like…and just be the love as often as you can today. And that love will come back to you, multiplied. It is law. 💕
No exceptions.
Be the Inspiration.
✨🌟💫✨